My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.