My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.