A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.