Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?