Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.