Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.