A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"