A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.