A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.