When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.