The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?