Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.