I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.
My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"