Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."