I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.