I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat!

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".