I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.