A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.