Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.