Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."