I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.