"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"