I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.