When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This man dresses like an unmade bed.

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.