Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."