My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.