My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.