Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.