I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.