When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.