When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.