A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

What is a home without children? Quiet.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.