A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.