2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."