Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.