If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

What is a home without children? Quiet.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.