Take my wife... Please!
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.