A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.