Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"