I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy.

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

Mike Walker is the Hemingway of gossip.