Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough.

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd.

I don't talk about my salary.

Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.

I'm a believer that satellite radio, whether I'm on it or not, will take off.

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.