An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

Of all American cities of whatever size the most friendly on preliminary inspection, and on further acquaintance the most likable. The happiest-hearted, the gayest, the most care-free city on this continent.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

You had to hate the Colonel a whole lot to keep from loving him.

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.