They call it 'surfing' the net. It's not surfing. It's typing in your bedroom

I have had issues with depression all my life, and it's probably true to say there was a tendency towards it even when I was very young, during my schooldays. There was often - and this is quite common with comics - a sense of not feeling as if I belonged anywhere.

I tend not to trust people who live in very tidy houses. I know that on the surface there is nothing wrong with a person being well-ordered and disciplined. Nothing, except that it leaves the impression of that person having lived in the confines of a stark institution which, although he or she has long since left, remains within.

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.

One of my friends went on a murder weekend, now he is doing life for it.

The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.