I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

I always knew what I was doing.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl.

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.