I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.

Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we partake of the power of the Spirit, the infinite Godhead that creates the cosmos.

The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.