I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

I have a 'Play The Melody' philosophy. It means don't over arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody-and do it the simplest way possible.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!