One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don`t like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

The worst thing you can do with money is save it.