Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls.

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl.

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.