Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!