I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

The best part of you ran down your mother's legs.

Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we partake of the power of the Spirit, the infinite Godhead that creates the cosmos.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.