Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.