Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls.

The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world!

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.