It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.

The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.

I always knew what I was doing.

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!