The worst thing you can do with money is save it.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.