Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl.

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.