I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!

People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as new as anything on the dinner table.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.