If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

I'm sure that having acted like an asshole for a great deal of my life, then having played assholes for a good part of my life, created a perception that I'm an asshole.

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

My act now is completely different. I took two years off when I first got with my wife and it was because my old act was all about "Where's the party after this?" I was humping the stool and it's all so disgusting and I was miserable, miserable in a lifeless angry marriage. Then I met my wife and I was completely happy. Like a snake that sheds its skin. I just got rid of all of that negativity.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.