You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.