You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.