You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.