You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!