If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.