If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.