Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.